Mixed bag of feelings

So, how does one just "not stress" and "not think about getting pregnant" when they're trying to get pregnant after a loss?  Ugh!  I'm so freakin' OVER hearing those comments.  I wish it was that easy and I could just turn off the stress.  I have been feeling a little less stressed since I stopped temping.  I'm definitely sleeping better that's for sure.  I'm trying to stay off fertility friend and obsessing over charts.  That seems to be helping too.  And I'm doing very well at staying away from The Bump.  I miss talking to everyone, but it's definitely for the  best.  I feel like TTC isn't the first thing on my mind anymore.

I saw the pg friend last night that I'm super jealous of.  The "Friday night BBQ girl" who had a m/c scare but is completely fine now. She's starting to show and it made me want to throw up.  I could hardly even look at her.  And every time her pregnancy came up in conversation, I walked away or casually changed the subject.  I've never felt like this about someone.  It's very bothersome.  She's been nothing but nice to me.  My DS had surgery on Wednesday and she was the only friend that texted me asking me how he was doing.  I need a good slap across the face.  She doesn't deserve to be treated the way I'm treating her, but I'm just so upset that she's pg and I'm not.  I have several pg friends, but she is the only one that I'm feeling this way about.  And I know it's b/c she had that m/c scare.

We've had a lot thrown at us over the last year and a half.  We've come out stronger than ever, but why do we have to go through all of this?  All of my friends seem to have it easy.  I know everyone has their problems, but dealing with DS's genetic disorder has been exhausting.  Thankfully he's doing so well now, the appointments are starting to wind down.  Wednesday was hopefully his last surgery for awhile.  My friends' kids haven't had to have 3 surgeries within a year.  When they complain about things, I want to tell them just how good they've really got it, but I don't.  I keep my mouth shut.  In the last year and a half, we found out our son has a genetic disorder, I lost my job and then had a miscarriage.  It's been a shitty year, but I always remind myself about how awesome my little boy is.  How it's a blessing that I'm not able to spend some time at home with him (even though we miss the income terribly).  And how my little angel is in good hands and is being taken care each and every day.

I'm so ready for DS to be a big brother.  I just keep telling myself it will happen in time.  Now I just need to make myself believe that.