Namaste

I took my butt to my first yoga class in a very long time yesterday.  It was hard, but it felt so good!  I'm looking forward to going to more classes.  I also went to a nearby Planet Fitness yesterday to check it out.  It's a nice gym...not too big, not intimidating, and clean.  I think I'm going to buy a membership...only $99 for the year.  I can't pass that up!  I love eating way too much, so working out is the best way to help myself out.

It's hard to believe that Christmas is on Sunday.  This year went by so fast...it's actually kind of scary.  I pray every day that 2012 will bring us our take home baby.

I'm out of control!

Ok seriously...I MUST stopping eating like total shit!  This is ridiculous.  When I got pregnant with my DS, I had been working out (had a free gym membership through work) and was eating somewhat healthy.  Now, I'm not working (my company relocated out of state), so I don't have a gym membership anymore....and we can't afford one on our own.  I walked every day in the Spring, Summer, Fall, but it's just too damn cold out now to walk.  Plus, I have to wait until DH gets home and by then, it's pitch black and eery out.  So I'm not getting any type of exercise, which is horrible.  I'm also eating worse b/c I'm home and have access to food...and toddler food at that.  Graham crackers, goldfish, etc.  Granted, DS eats better than me at most meals (protein, fruit and veggie as often as possible), but I don't eat the healthy stuff he does b/c it doesn't sound good. 

I know my diet is not helping our TTC efforts.  It's time to really focus and stop this!  I'm on the thinner side, so everyone thinks I'm nuts when I bring this up.  I may be thin, but I am NOT healthy.  I need to do at least some exercise every day.  It will need to be in my home, so I'll need to find a good video or something.  Why does it have to be so easy to say all this, yet so hard to follow through?  I always have the best intentions, but never stick with it.  Enough is enough.  I'm on cycle 11...CYCLE FREAKING 11...of TTCAL...time to get serious.  Having another baby means everything to me...time to make some changes!

No early Christmas present for me :(

Today is CD1.  I thought maybe the witch would show up tomorrow, but she showed up today instead.  Cycle 10 was a 27 day cycle.  As much as I don't want to, I think I'm going to temp this cycle.  If I really did O on cd 15, I only had a 12 day LP.  Looking back at my charts, my LP has been 12, 13 and 14 days.  I know it's hard to tell though just by OPKs.  We have 2 more cycles of trying on our own, and then we'll go in for some assistance.

As usual, I'm really sad that this wasn't our cycle.  No belated birthday gift for me.  No early Christmas gift for us.  And no chance of DH sharing his birthday with a sweet little baby.   I can't believe that we're moving onto cycle 11. 

Pee and our 1 year m/c anniversary

I can't wait for the day I'm no longer freaking out every time I wipe after I pee.  Sorry...I know that's a little gross to think about, but seriously...I can't wait!  Every time I pee, I worry there will be blood.  And the last couple of days, there has been.  And it sucks.   I know this will be a worry of mine until I'm done having kids though, so it's something I need to learn to deal with.  Spotting for me doesn't usually mean good things.  It usually means AF is right around the corner.  And last December, it meant that I was losing the baby I was carrying.  Which leads me to my pity party...

I can't believe it's been a year since I miscarried.  I can't believe that I'm still not pregnant.  I'm unbelievably sad.  My heart just aches.  I've never wanted something so bad in my entire life.  I want to be pregnant again more than anything.

MF

MF SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!

Ugh....it's really getting to me this cycle.  Every little twinge or cramp I feel makes me think I'm KU'd.   I try not to let MF get to me too much, but this cycle has been horrible.  I keep thinking this HAS to be our cycle.  My birthday is tomorrow.  What a great birthday present (even though I won't test until late next week).  Christmas is right around the corner.  What a great early Christmas present!  And to top it all off, my due date would be DH's birthday.  It's like it's meant to be!! 

I hope and pray every day that this is our lucky cycle.